Hey there,

Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you took yourself out to dinner? Or went on a weekend getaway by yourself? Or just went to the movies alone? (OK, I know nobody goes to the movies anymore … )

If so (or if not), would you consider yourself a loner? And is that a good thing?

Being a loner gets a bad rap

Quite unfairly, in my opinion.

When you Google the word “loner,” the first thing that comes up is the Oxford English Dictionary, which says loners are people who prefer not to be with others.

Then WebMD says the same thing:

Next Wikipedia (my love) gives the term “loner” a bit more nuance:

All in all, the Internet seems to agree that being a loner is a bad thing—that it means you’re some kind of anti-social freak who hates being around people.

I strongly disagree.

Frankly, I’m really sick of everyone thinking being alone is just about the worst possible thing that could happen to you.

Think about it:

• Being a loner.
• Being lonely.
• Being on your own.

They don’t have good connotations, do they?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m in no way an advocate for social isolation.

For one, I like people.

I love a good party. I love spending time doing nothing with my friends. And to be honest, I know that I’m usually a little verbose.

Plus, it’s clear that spending too much time alone is bad for us—even bad for our health.

This 2013 study “revealed that social isolation predicted mortality for both genders, as did smoking and high blood pressure,” concluding that “the strength of social isolation as a predictor of mortality is similar to that of well-documented clinical risk factors.” [Source: PubMed Central]

The dangers of social isolation are such a problem that “in 2018, the U.K. appointed a minister for loneliness and Loneliness Awareness Week was introduced to encourage people to ‘fill their lives with new friends and experiences.’” [Source: University of California San Francisco]

ICYMI: Both of these studies were conducted BEFORE the COVID-19 pandemic, when the world started paying a lot of attention to the risks of isolation and loneliness. Since then, things have obviously gotten a lot worse:

• A 2021 survey of 2,496 U.S. adults determined that more than half (58%) of U.S. adults are considered lonely. [Source: The Cigna Group]
• Even the Surgeon General is sounding the alarm, releasing a report in May 2023 to “[call] attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country [the U.S.]” [Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services]

So, yeah. Social isolation is definitely a bad thing.

But you know what’s also a problem? Being too afraid to ever do anything by yourself.

You know what I mean:

• That friend who’s never been single for more than 2 months since they were in high school
• That family member who won’t get on a plane by themselves
• That co-worker who won’t take a break and eat lunch in the company kitchen by themselves

Of course, to each his own. I’m not trying to single anyone out or judge them.

I’ve always been a bit of a loner. (And no, it’s not because I’m an anti-social freak who hates being around people. Thanks for asking, though.)

Instead, there are two main reasons why I’m a loner:

1. I genuinely enjoy doing things on my own.
2. I don’t feel uncomfortable being by myself.

Let me explain.

Back in the day, when I lived in an apartment in Providence, Rhode Island with three roommates, one of my favorite parts of the week was taking myself to the local pub around the corner with a couple of books and perhaps my journal where I would sit, read, daydream, and ponder the night away with just me, a couple of pints, and a cheeseburger.

(That and Sunday morning, when I did more or less the same thing but diner-style with a newspaper and/or The Economist, a veggie omelet, and some burnt coffee.)

It was always the same story. Every time that I:

• walked into a restaurant and asked for a table for one,
• traveled for the weekend by myself,
• showed up at a party without a date or a friend,

… there would be a prolonged silence, and then:

• “Good for you.”
• “Wow, that’s so brave.”
• “I could never do that.”

Huh?

Maybe this is how you feel.

Maybe you’re afraid of being seen as a loner because that also means being a misfit, an outcast, and an anti-social weirdo. (And that’s certainly the case if you listen to what the Oxford English Dictionary and WebMD have to say.)

But I think there’s another way.

This is my mission: to change the idea of what it means to be a loner—from misfit outcast to calm, contented, confident individual.

I call it being A Merry Loner.

Because once you learn how to be merry on your own, then you can do anything.

Thanks for reading.

Now go on your merry way,

Meredith